When Feedback Isn’t About You:
How to Spot Projection Masquerading as “Helpful Advice”
Have you ever asked for feedback—on something vulnerable, something new—and received a response that left you doubting your entire path?
It might sound like:
“Why would anyone come to you for that?”
“Don’t talk about your weaknesses—no one will take you seriously.”
“You need more credentials before anyone will respect your voice.”
Sometimes, critique comes dressed as care.
But underneath? It’s often someone else’s fear, unprocessed wound, or rigid belief system.
And that’s not feedback.
That’s projection.
What Projection Sounds Like:
“You can’t be a healer unless you’ve suffered visibly.”
“Authority only comes from expertise, not lived experience.”
“If you show vulnerability, people will leave.”
What it actually means:
“I’ve never felt safe enough to be seen in my tenderness, so I can’t imagine you being safe in yours.”
How to Discern:
Before internalizing feedback, ask:
Do I trust this person’s nervous system to hold my growth?
Are they curious or correcting?
Is their advice coming from experience or from fear?
Does this feedback make me shrink—or soften into more of who I am?
Gentle Reframe:
You are allowed to grow beyond someone else’s imagination of you.
Just because someone can’t see the value of your path doesn’t mean the path is wrong—it might just mean you’ve stepped into terrain they haven’t walked.
Feedback that invites expansion will resonate.
Projection will sting.
Learn the difference, and you free yourself.
