How to Befriend Your Ego and Stop Self-Sabotaging
Your ego isn’t the enemy—it’s part of you. Learning to navigate it with awareness instead of resistance is the key to transformation. Over the last ten months, I’ve discussed a variety of subjects while indirectly addressing the ego. The reason? Coming into consciousness can be a direct challenge to the ego. It can gut our self-confidence, trigger resistance, and make us cling even harder to outdated beliefs about ourselves.
Growing up, I was told that having an ego was bad—something to suppress or manage. Too much ego was overbearing; too little made me a doormat. I thought the solution was to get rid of it altogether. But here’s the thing: Your ego isn’t something to eliminate. It’s something to befriend.
The ego is the part of us that creates identity, autonomy, and self-protection. It’s how we define ourselves in relation to the world. The problem arises when the ego becomes rigid and fragile. It resists growth because it’s attached to the familiar. It convinces us that we are our pain, our failures, our shortcomings.
Buddhist psychology and Ingram’s Path teach that the ego is not the enemy, but an illusion we must learn to navigate. By loosening our attachment to ego-driven narratives, we create space for true self-awareness and healing.
Your ego isn’t a single, fixed entity—it has different voices that show up at different times. The Child Ego is afraid, insecure, and ashamed. It hesitates, overthinks, and seeks external validation before taking action. The Parent Ego is the inner critic. It tells you what you should be doing and why you’re not enough. It thrives on guilt, shame, and comparison. The Healthy Ego is the adult self. It offers rational guidance without judgment. It says, “This is hard, but I trust myself to handle it.” To grow, we must shift from the Child and Parent Ego into the Healthy Ego—the one that embraces self-trust and aligned action.
Next time you feel stuck, ask yourself these three questions: Does this fulfill me? The ego thrives on fear and validation-seeking. If a choice drains your energy or makes you contract, it’s likely coming from the Child or Parent Ego. If it excites and expands you—even if it’s scary—it’s aligned with your higher self. Does this align with my core values? The ego often clings to what looks good rather than what feels right. Your higher self will never ask you to betray your core values for external approval. Will this help me grow? Ego seeks comfort; your higher self seeks expansion. If you’re resisting something because you don’t want to be a beginner or risk failing, it’s likely your ego talking. True growth requires stepping into the unknown.
Most people don’t regret the risks they took—they regret the chances they didn’t take. Learning to observe your ego rather than be controlled by it is the key to breaking free from self-sabotage. Compassion, curiosity, and commitment will take you further than fear ever could.
So today, ask yourself: Who is running the show? My ego… or my highest self? Because the answer will shape the course of your life.
